My family didn’t come cheap

November 30, 2012
the colors of the sky

Photo Credit: Keith Moyer

I read this quote today and fell in love with it.

What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly. – Thomas Paine

There was nothing accidental about the start of our family. From the day we started “trying” till the day we gave birth to Anjelia were ten of the toughest years of our marriage. Julie and I cried almost daily for the first three years; infertility is painful when your only plans after marriage are pro creation.

We persisted.

Three amazing foster children were placed with us then taken away. It was painful; we fall in love with kids quick.

We persisted.

A miracle adoption in 1998. A foster placement in 1999 which took two heart-wrenching years to result in an adoption. Surprise births in 2001 and 2003.

The final outcome after ten years of incredibly hard work: Four daughters with only five years separating the oldest and the youngest.

My kids get mad at me just like anyone else’s kids get mad at them. I make my mistakes, and my kids make their mistakes. Together we make messes in each other’s lives. We pick up the pieces, make amends, and keep moving forward.

This week my good friends Brent and Stephanie are adopting their first child, a son, from Bulgaria. Brent and Stephanie are learning how hard the path of adoption can be. Such incredible challenges await parents who are adopting children who already have years of baggage.

Brent Stephanie Bojidar

What we all know, what our kids are learning or will learn: they have parents who are willing to fight to create a family. Millions of other families around the world are created and grown either by accident or through little effort. The Greens and the Dibbens had to fight a battle to have a family.

These two couples have spent a lot of emotional currency in creating a family.

Sometimes, getting to something beautiful is just plain hard; as a result, we esteem our gifts greatly.

James Dibben