All posts by James Dibben

The Night Before

Well, here I am. Sitting in my bed the night before my first daughter gets married. All four of my daughters are here together. I can hear them laughing in the other room. This is the last night they will have together where they will still have their maiden names.

Julie comes from a big family. Her mother is one of seven sisters. Over the years, I have seen how difficult it is to get them all together in the same place. One of them has gone on to be with Jesus. It will be a long time before they are all together again. The bigger the family, the harder it will be to get everyone together with any regularity. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just how things go.

It’s been a long couple of weeks leading up to tomorrow. Everyone is tired. It’s a good kind of tired. We have all worked hard. It has taken some special work due to the fact we are doing this in the middle of a pandemic. That’s no small task. Thankfully, we only had to adjust the wedding date once. It will be a smaller crowd, but I believe this will be special. We didn’t let he uncertainty of the world around us keep us from having a special day for Jessika and Nate.

I’m very thankful tonight. I’m thankful I have four amazing daughters. They all love each other, and their parents deeply. I’m thankful my two oldest daughters are marrying good men. Men who treat them well, and love them for who they are. I’m thankful for Nate. He is so kind and respectful. I know he will make a good husband. I’m thankful for J.J. who will marry Lydia in just 60 days. He too is a good man, who will love Lydia deeply.

But most of all, I am thankful for my amazing wife, Julie. She has poured herself out into two weddings this year. She has spent countless hours creating many of the decorations we will use tomorrow and in August. She is without question the most selfless person I have ever met. Our two weddings this year will be successful and beautiful because of all her work.

Julie, you are incredible. You are unlike anyone I have ever met.

Thank you.

Harder is smarter

“Work smarter not harder.”

This may be some of the dumbest advice ever given. It sounds really great. Maybe because it insinuates that you can just use your brain and be successful. It paints the picture of some schmuck sitting in an office chair in front of a computer making really smart decisions and achieving success.

For many years I thought this was the road to success. It was a major difference between myself and my dad for all the years we worked together. He was so unbelievably gracious through it all. It’s a testament to his ability to just get along with everyone. Even a want-to-be-know-it-all son like me. While I wanted to sit in my chair and be smart, he was out working really hard straight to success. It wasn’t until the closure of the business he sacrificed so much to let me have, that I really understood what it took to have success.

Over the last 8 years I have had one singular focus; to work harder than everyone else around me. I didn’t come to this realization on my own. No, I came to this realization by watching my father; easily the hardest working man I have ever known.

The fruits of my labor have been success. I spent 30 years trying to do it my way with minimal success. When I tried it my dad’s way for just the last 4 years, I achieve success I never imagined possible.

I owe it all to you, dad. The man who showed me every day what can be achieved through outworking everyone else around. While I was trying to figure out how to work smarter, my dad was showing me that working harder is working smarter. It was never about how much you know. It has always been about how hard you are willing to work to be successful at what you love.

I have finally found work that I love. I am successful at this work, but only because my father showed me what it takes to be successful at what you love.

Thanks dad. I am where I am because of you.

It’s no vacation

October 2018 Outreach

My daughter, Lydia, has been a full time missionary for two years. This morning she left for a two-month trip to Asia. By the end of this year she will have spent five of the last twenty-four months in Asia. For this trip, she is going into parts of Asia that I cannot mention on a public post like this, because it could put her at risk to be blacklisted by the country not mentioned. Don’t get the idea this will ever look like a vacation for this team of young missionaries she is leading.

There are no beaches where they are going. There won’t be any weekends with sand between their toes. In fact, there are a lot of things that won’t be there. There won’t be warm water. There won’t be American/European toilets. There won’t be warm showers. There won’t be beds.

What will there be? There will be bucket bathing. There will be sleeping bags and mosquito nets. There will be five-hour buss rides. There will be hand-washing clothing. There will be orphanages with starving children who witnessed the death of their parents. There will be hiking into remote parts of foreign countries.

Missions work is changing. We have a lot of missionaries coming through our church who are venturing into parts of this world nobody in America has even heard of. They are risking their lives to take the message of Christ to people who have never heard of it, and may become angry when they do. They spend their days trying to get young women out of the sex trade industry. They are separated from family and friends for years. They miss birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. They do this day after day and year after year.

Nothing they do resembles an American’s idea of fun. Simply put, it’s the hardest work possible. It’s taking the great commission seriously, and being willing to take it places that have never heard of it. It’s believing that everyone deserves something that every soul longs for. It’s believing that everyone in the world needs hope. Not hope of financial prosperity. That’s American. Not the hope of happiness. That’s something that depends on surroundings.

It’s about the hope of salvation. It’s about having real joy. Joy that is found on the inside when we begin a relationship with the creator of the universe. A Creator who withheld nothing from a wold He created and loves. A Creator who removed every obstacle from being reconciled with Him.

Lydia is a part of a necessary movement. It’s a movement that says, “We will not let anything or anyone get in the way of taking this important message into all the world. We want to make Him known in all the world. We don’t care how hard it will be. We just want to know how to get there.”

If you want to support Lydia, please click HERE!

Marching Orders

Photo Credit: Angelo Amboldi
Photo Credit: Angelo Amboldi

I now have two adult daughters. Lydia turned eighteen a year ago, and Jessica turned eighteen three days ago. They are both spreading their wings in completely different ways. It is a beautiful thing to watch. I’m not going to get into the details of what they are both doing. Not because it’s a secret, and not because I’m avoiding comparing one to the other. I’m not going into details because there is really just one thing they both should be doing. There is one thing that they need to measure their lives by. It’s not how much time they spend in ministry. It’s not whether or not they are going to college. It’s not about what kind of job they have. It’s not even about what kind of relationship they are in. They need to take the following verse and spend every day living it to the best of their ability.

Matthew 22:36-40New International Version (NIV)
36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Jesus summarized the entire bible with this one statement. He was trying to communicate that the best way to follow the commands of the Bible is to love God and love everyone around you. Jesus didn’t make demands on church attendance. He didn’t make demands on ministry. He didn’t demand career success. He didn’t demand political affiliation. He wanted everyone to know that following Him was really about loving God and loving the people around you.

Lydia and Jessica, this is my only expectation of you both. Measure your success by how much you love God and how much you love those around you. I believe you both already do this to the greatest of your ability. In this next stage of your life, can you take it to the next level? I don’t care about your choice of political party. I don’t care how much money you make. I don’t care how much you go to church. I don’t care how much you volunteer. I don’t care how many missions trips you attend. I want to know if you are loving God and loving those around you. That is how you need to measure your life. That is the filter by which you judge yourself.

And one last thing. Please know that no matter what happens. No matter how bad it gets. No matter what you have done. You can always come home. You will always have a bed to sleep on. Until my final breath, I will be proud to be your father.

Two Months and Five Minutes

Grand Prix

My new job as a hospice nurse comes with the need for reliable transportation. Since starting this job at the end of this last January I have put a lot of miles on my 2001 Ford Focus. That poor thing has over 235,000 miles on it. It almost feels like a miracle when I pull back into the driveway after a day where I’ve put another 100 miles on it.

Several months ago we decided it was time to get a replacement. I’m a brand new graduate and spent the last three years in school. Due to financial restraints, we were worried that it would be impossible to save enough in a short amount of time. Julie and I refuse to ever have a car payment again. Our goal was to save enough to purchase something with between 110,000 and 150,000 miles on it. Hey, when you are buying with cash you have to temper your expectations. Originally, I wanted a Chevy Impala. I wanted something that was large enough for all six of us in case our LeSabre was broken down. After looking at an Impala last week, we realized that the interior design of an Impala would not easily accommodate our six-person family. That freed me up to choose an Impala that didn’t necessarily have a front bench seat.

I have spent the last two months looking for an Impala with fewer than 150,000 miles on it. I have watched Craig’s List daily for two months to get a feel for what something with less than 150,000 might cost. I’ve practically driven off the road checking out used car lots all throughout the city. I’m all over the northland and northeast Independence all week long. I’ve stopped into many used-car lots and looked in windows and opened unlocked doors on empty corners. Most days I didn’t have enough to even get the car I was looking into. I was okay with that. My goal was to get a feel for what was available at our target amount.

This last Wednesday, Julie decided she would help me out. Apparently, she had an opening in her schedule. She jumped on the Oak Grove Swap and Shop page on Facebook. About twenty posts down she spotted a 2006 Grand Prix in Odessa. She tagged me on the post and sent me a text message letting me know what she had found. What took me two months, she accomplished in five minutes!

To be clear, I never even considered a Grand Prix. I’ve never even seen one I thought was nice looking. Well, I never paid enough attention to find one I did like. Even after sitting in this one, I wasn’t head-over-heels with the thing. Logically, it was a smart purchase. It had just over 123,000 miles. Consumer reports had some nice things to say about it as far as reliability. It wasn’t on the “never buy this as a used car” list, which is good. What attracted me to the car was the color and tinted windows. Those were two things I wanted on the Impala, although I wasn’t convinced I would end up with those options. I wanted remote start above all else but had also waved goodbye to that since my overall goal was something with fewer than 150,000 miles on it. I was going to say no to anything over that and yes to anything under.

Lord Vader

This car has turned into everything I wanted and more. It has tinted windows, a nine-hundred dollar paint job and new tires. They just had it tuned up with new brakes and an alignment. When they handed me the key fob, I was shocked to discover it even has remote start. They even came down $800.00 on the asking price.

This wasn’t what I was looking for, but it was exactly what I needed. I couldn’t be happier.

The One

Photo Credit: David
Photo Credit: David

In Luke chapter 15, Jesus does something unusual. He tells three parables in a row trying to make a single point about God’s love. He tells the story of a lost sheep, a lost coin and a lost son. These stories involve loss, celebration and, to a certain degree, neglect.

Jesus states that if one of a hundred sheep were missing he would leave the ninety-nine to find the one. He states that if He loses one of ten coins He would turn the house upside down to find the one. He explains that if He lost one of two sons He would fret over the missing one until he returned.

Nothing could be more opposite than how we behave now. We don’t leave the many for the one. I am reminded of the famous quote from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn.

Spock: “The needs of the many, outweigh…”
Kirk: “…the needs of the few.”
Spock: “Or the one.”

It sounds good in a movie, but it is completely different from how God treats us. God sees the needs of the one and He is bothered. He can’t stand to see one person lost. He can’t stand to see one person without His love and affection. He can’t stand to see one person lost without an overpowering desire to have them rescued. He was so bothered that He stopped at nothing to rescue the one lost person. He was so bothered that He gave his own son. He spared no expense. He gave it all.

That is how I am supposed to be as a father. If I have one child who is lost, I must do everything possible to see them rescued. This means that I need to be willing to divert all my energy to the one who is lost…the one who is in danger of destruction…the one who is at the edge of destruction. I need to be so committed to their rescue, that it almost looks like I have abandoned everyone else.

Over the last few years I have had to grapple with this principle in ways I never imagined. I have been forced to divert much of my attention to the one. In those moments of great inner turmoil, when I am struggling with how lopsided my attention must appear, I have had to face myself in the mirror and ask, “Am I making the right choice?” Often times I would go back to Luke 15 and remind myself of how God has treated me. When I was the least deserving, He pursued me. When I was the most lost, He pursued me. When I was in the most danger, God abandoned all else to see me safe.

In God’s world, there are only two categories. There is lost, and there is found. My world will emulate God’s world. In my world, I will do whatever it takes to see the lost one found. Even if it looks like I have abandoned everyone else.