Category Archives: Adoption

Adoption

Crybaby

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Photo Credit: Vera & Jean-Christophe
Photo Credit: Vera & Jean-Christophe

I think I have figured out why I enjoy action-adventure movies. I can sit down to World War Z and not experience overwhelming emotion. I don’t get emotional watching the good guy kill zombies.

Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for anything produced by Pixar, Disney or Sherwood Pictures. Any type of movie that is designed to induce deep emotion gets me. The other day the family was in the car on the way to an event, and we were all discussing our favorite animated movies. Everyone knows I love “The Incredibles”, and in my mind it stands above anything else over the last twenty years. Everyone wanted to know my second favorite animated movie so I said, “Tangled.” They wanted to know my favorite part, (this was all a setup) and I attempted to describe the scene where Rapunzel released her lantern from a boat in the middle of the film. As far as I was concerned, the movie could have ended right there, it was such a powerful scene. Everyone in the car started laughing because I could hardly describe that part of the film without getting teary eyed. Julie patted me on the knee and said, “Aw, poor James.”

I used to get embarrassed when I would watch a movie and get all misty eyed. I don’t anymore. It’s become such a part of who I am now. It’s what makes James who he is. It’s one of my unique identifiers. My kids and friends can tease me all they want. I’m not ashamed, and I know they only do it because they love me anyway.

There is almost a formula to get me emotional in a movie. Movies like October Baby, Annie and Despicable Me choke me up because of the heavy adoption themes. I start crying every time I see that orphanage with all those cute little girls who all dream every day of having a family of their own. Margo, Agnes and Edith all three completely melt Gru’s heart in Despicable Me. On the outside he is this big scary character but on the inside he’s still a mama’s boy, and these three girls help him find that in himself. As I wrote HERE, October Baby stirred up a lifetime of emotion in me because of the adoption and pro-life themes.

Rapunzel is such a dreamer, and when she gets to release a lantern with the rest of the town I’m overcome by the emotion she must be feeling to have such a big dream realized. I understand the wonder she is experiencing. I have four daughters, and they are all dreamers in their own unique ways. The Incredibles is my favorite, and I get the least emotional when I watch it. Still, I think what I love the most is Bob Parr’s journey. He is completely unfulfilled in his insurance job. He thinks it is because he no longer spends his life being a famous super hero. He discovers something completely different. He discovers that the biggest adventure he will ever embark on will be connecting to his wife and kids. By the end of the film he no longer wants to be a solo super hero. He realizes that without his family the acclamation of the world means nothing. He realizes that the greatest thing a man can do is become a hero in the eyes of his own family. I can identify with that because I have come to that conclusion in my own life as well.

I’m not sure I have ever told anyone what I am about to say right here so listen up. There is a deeper reason I experience such emotion when watching movies with strong family themes. Like many men out there, I have a lot of repressed emotions. It’s a requirement of the position I guess. We have to push through all kinds of tough situations if we are going to be the provider and leader we want to be. We have to go to work even though we had a fight with our teenager the night before. We have to go to work the day after we bury our favorite aunt. We have to take a paycheck that is woefully inadequate, deposit it into the bank and show up Monday morning and act like everything is okay.

I feel like crying every day of my life but I can’t, so whenever I’m sitting at home, or in a theater, and I’m watching a movie designed to elicit family related emotion I bite hook, line and sinker. I do so not only because I am connecting with what I am watching. I do so because it’s the only way I can emotionally survive.

Adoption, Jessica

Four Five Ninety-Nine

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Jessica

Fourteen years ago today a miracle entered the world.

Today is Jessica’s 14th birthday. I have had many divine appointments in my life. Going on the first date with my wife. My first meeting with Chuck. The birth of my other three daughters. My first breakfast meeting with Pastor Barry.

My divine appointment with Jessica happened when she was two weeks old. She had been placed with a different foster family at first. When she was moved to our home, she was sick. Her eyes were full of drainage and she had a sinus infection. Julie got her right in to see a doctor. We have been caring for her every day since.

It was a real challenge to get her permanently added to our family. Frankly, her story is one surrounded by the prayers of hundreds of people. It is no accident that she is with us today. If ever there was proof of a God in heaven, every breath that Jessica takes is proof of Him.

Now she stands before me on the doorsteps of adulthood. Words cannot express the level of pride I have for her. She is a woman of very few words but many actions.

She is in the band.
She is in the band.
She is on the science team.
She is on the science team.
She is on the track team.
She is on the track team.
Is on the swim team.
Is on the swim team.
She likes to do silly things.
She likes to do silly things.
Has visited The Capital.
Has visited The Capital.
She's a super hero.
She’s a super hero.

Jessica “is” and “does” a lot of things. What makes me the most proud of her is her love for Christ. Her faith is noticed by all those around her. Even to the point that she has been asked to be a spiritual leader to her track team. Something she has done gladly and with dedication.

God has used her life to grow me spiritually in these past fourteen years. I’ve learned that my own faith has plenty of weak spots. I’ve learned that God is involved no matter what I see around me. I’ve learned how to pray for someone who is struggling to verbalize themselves. I’ve learned how to enjoy quiet moments with someone, and I’ve learned what it means to love unconditionally.

Before I became a parent I was convinced it was my my responsibility to raise my children in a Godly way. I had no idea how much being a father would grow me up spiritually.

I am truly blessed by God to be Jessica’s father.

jessica

Adoption

My family didn’t come cheap

the colors of the sky
Photo Credit: Keith Moyer

I read this quote today and fell in love with it.

What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly. – Thomas Paine

There was nothing accidental about the start of our family. From the day we started “trying” till the day we gave birth to Anjelia were ten of the toughest years of our marriage. Julie and I cried almost daily for the first three years; infertility is painful when your only plans after marriage are pro creation.

We persisted.

Three amazing foster children were placed with us then taken away. It was painful; we fall in love with kids quick.

We persisted.

A miracle adoption in 1998. A foster placement in 1999 which took two heart-wrenching years to result in an adoption. Surprise births in 2001 and 2003.

The final outcome after ten years of incredibly hard work: Four daughters with only five years separating the oldest and the youngest.

My kids get mad at me just like anyone else’s kids get mad at them. I make my mistakes, and my kids make their mistakes. Together we make messes in each other’s lives. We pick up the pieces, make amends, and keep moving forward.

This week my good friends Brent and Stephanie are adopting their first child, a son, from Bulgaria. Brent and Stephanie are learning how hard the path of adoption can be. Such incredible challenges await parents who are adopting children who already have years of baggage.

Brent Stephanie Bojidar

What we all know, what our kids are learning or will learn: they have parents who are willing to fight to create a family. Millions of other families around the world are created and grown either by accident or through little effort. The Greens and the Dibbens had to fight a battle to have a family.

These two couples have spent a lot of emotional currency in creating a family.

Sometimes, getting to something beautiful is just plain hard; as a result, we esteem our gifts greatly.

Adoption

Journal: Adoption

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“Surprise!”

Julie and I were in shock as we entered out little church; this baby shower wasn’t something we were expecting.

This was completely new territory for the both of us. For reasons God would reveal years later Julie and I did not start our family the traditional way. After being married for six years, and after attempts to start a family during the previous three years we were embarking on a journey which had far-reaching implications and struggles beyond our imagination.

For three years that felt like eternity Julie and I struggled to understand why we couldn’t get pregnant. With each Mother’s and Father’s Day our souls felt even more deprived of our true calling. Eventually, we quit going to church on those holidays completely. It felt like everyone was able to get pregnant with almost no effort at all. We watched in amazement as many couples were able to get pregnant, and many of them didn’t seem to even care that much, judging by their responses.

Finally, after three years and what felt like hundreds of doctors’ appointments and visits we decided to become foster parents. Obviously pregnancy was not in our future. It took us many months to receive all the training we needed to foster parent and to be eligible to adopt the children we were fostering.

After a very in-depth home study and background check we were approved. We had a very involved church family, but the surprise baby shower in the summer of 1997 was probably one of the most amazing moments of my life. Our church family made sure that we got the exact same treatment any expecting family would get with their first pregnancy.

All our friends surrounded us and showered us with gifts. There were no babies on the way only the hope of a foster placement and adoption very soon which is exactly what happened.

This last Saturday Julie and I had the pleasure of attending something very similar. Our friends Brent and Stephanie are in the process of adopting their first child. In just under a month they will be picking up Bojidar from the country of Bulgaria.

brent and stephanie
Brent and Stephanie

According to our hosts they received seventy responses for the event, and judging by the turnout, I would say that estimate was accurate. We had great conversations with the support system which surrounds Brent and Stephanie. They are in great hands.

I doubt it was planned this way but this was the perfect weekend for an adoption party like we attended Saturday evening. Yesterday was National Orphan Sunday.

Brent and Stephanie have had a love for Eastern Europe going strong for the last several years. When I heard they were considering adoption, I had no doubt Europe would be their destination.

Brent and Stephanie, welcome to rare air. Thank you for living James 1:27 in such a dramatic way. Bojidar will be a walking example of how God sees each of us. Rescued from an unknown future and placed into a life filled with hope and possibilities. A divine appointment with endless possibilities.

James 1:27

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.