1 Samuel 17:40

Then he took his staff in his hand; and he chose for himself five smooth stones from the brook, and put them in a shepherd’s bag, in a pouch which he had, and his sling was in his hand. And he drew near to the Philistine.

I have spent my entire life in church. I’m not sure there is another story in the bible that gets more press than “David and Goliath.” Recently I was considering why David grabbed five stones. Rumor has it that Goliath actually had four brothers who were just as large. Several times I have heard preachers explain that David grabbed five stones because he was prepared for Goliath’s brothers to show up.

It’s fun to focus on David’s faith-filled view of his circumstances. A man who was so confident in his God that he was ready to take on five giants and fully expected to be victorious. He was a man who saw himself victorious before he went into battle.

My giant, the one I have been standing toe-to-toe against for the last several years, is teen parenting. I never imagined it would be so complicated. I’m nose deep into two books on the subject. I want so desperately to connect to my daughters in a meaningful way. I feel utterly unequal to the task before me. I believe in God’s promises for raising up our children in the way they should go, but that doesn’t alleviate my anxiety over the task.

I think I have a pretty good idea of what David was thinking when he went looking for rocks. It is one thing to point fingers at the giants in our lives and claim victory. It is another thing to actually step onto the battle field and face those giants. I think when David reached into the cold water of that brook, the reality of the situation hit him. I think David was hit with some fear and trepidation. David was afraid, but he was also in for the long haul. David picked up those extra stones because he was willing to stay out there as long as he could even if it meant his death.

This Sunday morning I start teaching a parenting Sunday school class. I certainly don’t have all the answers. I will be learning right along with everyone brave enough to hang out with me for forty-five minutes.

What I do know is this:

No matter how hard it gets. No matter how confused I get. No matter how challenging these teen years get. I’m in this for the long haul, and nothing but death can pull me away from my family.

Most everyone I know had that one relative who had a big impact in their life. It was either an uncle at the farm or a grandmother in an apartment. It may have been a cousin who was a few years older and took them under their wing. For me it was my Aunt Joyce, my father’s sister.

This morning my Aunt Joyce went to be with her Lord, Jesus. It’s been just over twenty years since her only (at the time) son, Jason, went to be with Jesus. Today a great reunion took place in heaven. A mother and her son were reunited, undoubtedly embracing and shrouded in new bodies, something they both needed desperately, something we all need desperately.

I’m thankful that I have deep and vivid memories of my Aunt Joyce. She was my English Comp teacher in high school my senior year. I vividly remember her looking into my eyes and telling me, “You should go to college and become a teacher. You would be good at it.” It felt kind of funny for her to tell me that. I always saw myself as a cabinet guy. I grew up around kitchen cabinets, and I just assumed that was what I would do with my life. My aunt saw much more. She saw a spiritual leader. She saw a teacher, and she saw a writer. These were all things she told me more than once.

My Aunt Joyce had been in and out of the hospital quite a bit over the last few years. A couple of weeks ago she took a turn for the worse. She ended up on a ventilator and was unconscious for about a week. During that week I commented to Julie that I had not gotten a chance to share with her how much she had influenced me. Thankfully, last Thursday she got strong enough to be taken off of the ventilator, and she was able to communicate just a little. Julie and I stopped by to visit her this last Tuesday evening, and we got to have what would be our final conversation.

“You saw something in me nobody else ever saw”, I told her. “Twenty-four years ago you told me that I should be a teacher. I have found that calling now. Every Sunday for the last year I have been teaching a men’s Sunday school class at my church. You spoke prophetically to me. You were the only one who saw what I could be, not where I thought I was headed.”

She nodded her head knowingly and asked me, “What have you been learning from Andy Stanley?” She had to repeat it several times before I could understand what she was saying. She was quite familiar with how big an impact Andy has had on my spirituality. I shared a few details from the current series I am teaching on Sunday mornings, and she nodded in approval. In the forty years I have known my aunt she has turned every conversation we have ever had towards our relationship with Christ. She was a deeply spiritual woman.

I have barely scratched the surface of how special she was to me, but I can hardly see through the tears pouring from my eyes, so I will leave you with the scripture verse that best describes her.

Philippians 4:4

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!

Almost two months ago I decided to start running to get into better shape. A little over a year ago my friend Carl decided to do the same. His success was partially the inspiration that got me started. The fact I have been at the same (over) weight for the past fifteen years is also my inspiration.

Shortly after I started running, Carl signed me up for my first run. This was the same run Carl ran last year as his first run. He was confident I would enjoy it, and he was correct. I had a great time.

This run was completely different than how I was training. I have been alternating between my neighborhood and the Oak Grove High School track. The trail run was at the Wyandotte County Lake Park. Following Carl’s advice I started towards the back of the pack. This being my first run I didn’t want to be an additional obstacle. At the sound of the air horn we began the race.

I had three simple goals. I didn’t want to trip and fall. I didn’t want to be passed up by anyone twice my age, and I didn’t want to get passed up by anyone one-tenth my age. I can announce to everyone I accomplished all three goals. Of course the second two are easy when you bring up the rear the entire race.

Carl really only gave me one piece of advice for the race. He told me, “James, don’t worry about what anyone else is doing. Just run your race.” And that’s what I did. All I really wanted to do was avoid walking if I could. Right away I found a young couple who seemed to be running a pace I could manage. I felt the temptation to pass them both, but I resisted the urge. They both looked to be in fantastic shape, and I assumed that if I did pass them up I would eventually find myself behind them anyway. I learned through the course of the race that this was the lady’s first run as well.

This trail was 2.8 miles, longer than I have run before, and this race was on a wooded path which was new to me. Eventually we did pass a few other runners. Usually a mom or dad with a child who couldn’t manage the pace. There was even a short distance where the trail doubled back on itself creating quite an experience as the quicker runners needed to pass us slow pokes, which was the only time I saw Carl. There were all kinds of twists and turns leading to the first, and only, water stop which was placed at the one mile marker. The young couple and I stopped for about fifteen seconds to get a drink and started the rest of the trail.

The second part of the trail was much more challenging. There were a few low hanging branches and even a spot where a small tree must have fallen the night before, which needed to be carefully navigated. There were a few sharp turns that caused everyone to walk for a few short seconds to maintain the trail. At about two miles into the trail we hit a big hill, and when we reached what we thought was the top, it curved a little and continued with another incline. Neither I nor the couple in front of me was able to take the hill in a jog. We had to walk and push with our legs. We all let out moans of exertion as the hill seemed to continue without end.

Eventually the younger couple started to make some distance on me, and I found myself somewhat alone. The rhythm of my breathing and the sound of my footsteps created a surreal experience. I actually contemplated this blog post for a few minutes.

With about a quarter mile remaining in the trail I saw Carl running towards me. He came up beside me, and told me I was almost to the end. When I cleared the woods I could see the finish line up ahead. The race officials had given Elaina a cowbell and told her to bang it any time a runner was headed for the finish.

With Carl by my side cheering me on I felt a sudden rush of energy, and put all I had into the last 1,000 feet. When I got about 100 feet from the finish, Carl peeled off yelling, “Finish strong,” at me as he moved away. I completed my first official race in 70th place with a time of 34:58 and a pace of 12:29 per mile.

I was struck by how similar to the trail of life this race was. There is constant pressure to keep up with the crowd. There are hills that challenge my ability to maintain pace. There are unexpected distractions and obstacles. My friends are there on the trail with me, but they aren’t always within sight. Sometimes I find myself in the presence of people I don’t know. Do I ignore them, or take the time to connect in whatever way possible? If I have good friends (and I certainly do) they will come around just when I need them to cheer me on. My closest friend is Jesus, who will always be around.

For my daughters, I would tell them this:

Don’t try to run someone else’s race. God has a specific plan for your life. He has designed it just for you. He will allow challenges, and the path won’t always be smooth. There will be obstacles that will challenge your resolve. Sometimes your friends will be with you, sometimes you will be with strangers, and sometimes you will feel like you are alone. I wish I could promise you that I will always be by your side but I can’t. I can promise you that Jesus will always find you on the trail ready to escort you to a successful end regardless of the challenge. You only have to believe.

Matthew 28:20

And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

We pulled into the parking lot of Colonial Presbyterian Church just a few minutes before the memorial service was scheduled to begin. I had been feeling a sense of destiny all week. Something told me that I needed to be at this memorial. As the line began to grow behind Julie and me, I was astonished by how many Chinese men and women were coming in the door. This memorial service was shaping up to contain at least thirty percent Chinese people.

I met Jake Combs almost twenty years ago. He was the teacher of a business men’s Monday morning bible study. He had been teaching this same group of men since the mid-eighties. The only time he ever missed his weekly appointment was when he was oversees in Malaysia, Taiwan and other Asian countries. I have been blessed to attend this men’s bible study off-and-on for the last seventeen years.

A couple of weeks ago Jake (85) fell suddenly ill. A drainage duct in his pancreas became blocked, and four days later he left his earthly life from the deadly complications of pancreatitis.

The reason there were so many Asians at his memorial is because Jake spent sixty years of his life in ministry to the Chinese community wherever he could find them. In 1952 Jake Joined The Navigators. Jake spent the next 25 years ministering to Asians in Singapore. In 1977 Jake moved his family back to the US and chose Kansas City. He quickly found the Asian communities in the city and continued his ministry in communion with The Navigators.

When I got the news of Jake’s passing, I knew I wanted to go to his memorial service. I wanted to experience, firsthand, a memorial service for a man who had spent his entire life in ministry. It was the most inspirational experience of my spiritual life. His daughter took the podium and shared some thoughts in English and in Chinese. His son took the podium and shared some of his own memories. A local Asian minister who had known Jake for 25 years took the podium and shared his love for Jake, and an Asian choir sang an original Asian hymn in Jake’s honor. A business owner from Malaysia flew in and shared the story of his own conversion because of Jake’s influence.

The impact of Jake’s life was all over that auditorium. There were at least five hundred people, and I would estimate at least two hundred of them we of Asian descent. There were several characteristics that were mentioned several times by more than one presenter, and I wrote them down.

Consistent
Pace Setter
Disciplined
Spiritual Reproducer
Made Disciples
Surrendered
Impactful

And my favorite character trait: “He answered every question with a Bible verse.”

As I reflected on Jake’s life the other day, I said to Julie, “If all this Bible and Jesus stuff was just a waste of time wouldn’t someone like Jake have figured that out a long time ago?”

Jake spent sixty years teaching the Bible in two languages. He saw the impact of the scriptures on thousands of lives. At the end of his life, hundreds of people representing the largest culture in the world came to celebrate. His children spoke of him fondly through tearful eyes. Leaders from The Navigators and business men from half-way across the globe lifted up his life. Those are not the fruits of a wasted life or belief system. Those are fruits of a faithful and real God.

The last speaker for the afternoon was the lead pastor of the Quivira Road location of Colonial Presbyterian Church. At this point in the memorial I was a little overwhelmed. I entered the afternoon hopping to get a sense of how a life dedicated to God might be celebrated. What I got was a list of character traits that left me feeling woefully inadequate.

Pastor Bob Lehleitner must have known how I was feeling, so he left us with this parting thought: “Jake wasn’t like Jake when he started.” Pastor Lehleitner was trying to tell us that our spiritual journey is not a destination but a process.

At eighty-five years of age Jake was still serving in full-time ministry. He never retired because he never thought his usefulness in the Kingdom of God had come to an end.

Jake finished strong. I want to do the same.

I had the parenting of teens all figured out when I was a teen.

“What that mom needs to do is quit trying to be her kid’s friend. She is the parent not a peer.”

Now that I have kids I realize how difficult it is to maintain my parenting roles and still keep my relationship with my daughters friendly. I do realize that it is impossible to be your kid’s friend. Being friendly and being a friend are two completely different things. I want my kids to enjoy being around me. I want them to have fun when we do things together. I want them to like me.

The problem is how a teenager perceives friendship. In full disclosure I have no degree or any professional training in this area. This is just based on my own observations of my teens and their friends combined with my own experience when I was a teen.

Teenagers, for the most part, have a blind friendship. They don’t sit around and think critically with each other. They don’t analyze each other’s actions and render thoughtful insights into right and wrong. They accept each other’s actions blindly regardless of the truth. In each other’s eyes they really do very little wrong. I realize this is quite the generalization. I have observed this enough over the last 20 years to know it is fairly accurate.

This is why parents can’t try to be their kid’s best friend until they are adults. How parents see friendship and how teens see friendship is completely different. We just can’t become the kind of friend our teens want. They want someone who will go along with all their ideas, laugh at all their jokes and understand the music they enjoy. They want someone who will defend them even if they are wrong. I would submit that this is the kind of friend they actually need, just not from their parents. Without this kind of friend I would doubt that any teenager would have friends. There is enough conflict in a teen’s life with all the authority figures in their lives. They need to have a few peer friends who are on their side no matter what.

It’s a tough balance to maintain. I want my kids to like me, but I also want to help them make wise decisions. Sometimes, their need to be safe will cause me to be in opposition to their wants and desires. They naturally over-indulge in areas where it is unhealthy. I have to help them manage what they enjoy. There is nothing more painful than having an authority figure take your fun from you. In their eyes that is not what a friend does. My actions by default keep me from being their friend.

I need to find more opportunities to do fun things with my teens. I want to build our relationship into new areas that are just focused on having fun. Lydia and I got off to a great start yesterday. We ate lunch together at the local Chinese restaurant and went to see “Les Miserables” afterword. It was a wonderful time. It wasn’t an attempt to be her friend. It was a father and daughter learning to enjoy things together. It was about spending time together where rules and regulations were not a part of the conversation.

Last night I told her it was a memory I would never forget. She said she felt the same way.