Category Archives: Mothers

Rare Hair

“Do you ever get stuck?”

Julie and I have had a lot of conversations about how different we are. I like video games. She likes long walks. I like action adventure movies. She likes “Jesus Baldwin” movies. She likes Downton Abbey. I like…okay, that one doesn’t count but you get the point.

Yesterday Lydia left for Camp Del-Haven. She is a volunteer counselor this week. I can’t even describe how proud I am of her. She is growing up into an amazing woman of God. I really have no reason to complain. Still, she is a teenager and prone to poor decisions. Last week she decided to color her hair.

Fuchsia Hair

Like I said, “She decided to COLOR her hair.” If you know Lydia at all this won’t surprise you. What none of us stopped to consider was the impact this may (or may not) have on her opportunity to minister to the underprivileged kids at the camp.

As Julie dropped Lydia off at the camp yesterday, they were both hit with the reality of how this extreme change in appearance might be perceived. Like any good mom, Julie became concerned. After she got home she shared her concerns with me. I told her I had not thought about it either. A few minutes later I received a text message from Julie:

“I wish I could stop worrying about Lydia’s hair. Do you ever get ‘stuck’? Grrr”

My response was short:

“Constantly. Just about different stuff.”

Julie and I are different in all kinds of ways. The list I gave above is just the beginning. We are very similar in plenty of other areas, and no area more than our propensity to worry. We don’t generally worry about the same things, but we do worry.

I don’t worry about what Camp Del-Haven will think of Lydia’s hair, but I do worry about how to pay for her orthodontics. I worry she won’t drive safely. I worry that she spends too much time online. I worry that I’ll make some big mistake that will cause her to stumble in her faith, and turn away from God. I’m afraid to discipline her because I want her to like me all the time. I worry she won’t pick a Godly man to fall in love with.

Do I get stuck? Oh yeah, I get stuck. I get stuck all the time. I don’t have very many answers. Even when I try to give some answers, I’m not very confident in them. I’m really don’t feel very equipped to handle all of this.

I’m just a dad trying to get it right. Julie is just a mom trying to get it right. We both love our kids very much, and sometimes it’s all just hard and a little overwhelming.

Lydia is an amazing young lady. If Camp Del-Haven has the ability to look past outside appearances they will see what we see. For most people it doesn’t take very long to fall in love with Lydia.

Lydia during training last week.
Lydia during training last week.

Proverbs 31:30

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

Perspective

broken car mirror
Photo Credit: Hellebardius

There is so much I can’t share on this blog.

Almost everyday something happens at home that would not make a great blog post. The last thing I want to do is embarrass or hurt one of my girls, so I stay quiet. Someday I will be able to share so much more of the trials and tribulations that are part of the day-to-day happenings around the Dibben house.

Most of what is happening around here will be better written about in the future anyway. It takes time to gain full perspective of my life and the events which mold me. The cloud of emotion that surrounds everyone in the middle of conflicts and trials is what keeps me from writing a really honest evaluation of events anyway. I think it would possibly be a little melancholy as well with all the conflict around here. I guess that goes with having two teenagers running around. I can only imagine what things may be like when all four of them are teens at the same time. When Anjelia turns thirteen Lydia will be eighteen. Four teenagers at once are more than I can even imagine. At that point there may not be a single rational person in the house, including the parents!

Anyway, I guess this post has turned into a notice to all my readers that yes, life still moves forward at the Dibben house. It just seems to hit a lot of potholes along the way. I can’t take every dropped transmission and broken mirror and parade it before the entire world. I’m sure you understand.

Too many lectures

hugs for daddy
Photo Credit: munira mustaffa

I don’t know about you, but I always have a lecture ready for my kids. I’m grown up. I have forty years of experience, and I need to push it on my girls every chance I get. I have pre-written lectures stored in my mind on every subject you can imagine. Here is a quick list of just a few in my head.

“How you should treat your sisters”
“How you should treat your parents”
“Your attitude when you are asked to do something”
“What time you are supposed to go to bed”
“Who you are allowed to stay the night with”
“How long it should take you to obey me”

I could go on, but you get the point. Parents have lots of lectures we keep stored in our heads, and we can’t wait to impart our knowledge at the first opportunity. The struggle I face, and I would guess many of you face, is when is the best time to really let my kids “have it”. I’m still trying to figure this one out, but I want to share with everyone one time when I know for a fact it is the wrong time to lecture our kids.

How much do you enjoy apologizing to someone? How much do you enjoy apologizing to your boss, your spouse or anyone else? My guess is that your answer is something along the lines of, “Not very much” or even, “I hate it!”

Our kids are no different than any adult when it comes to pulling together the bravery it takes to apologize. It takes every ounce of will power they have. As bad as many of us are at apologizing I believe we are just as bad at forgiving as well. Here is a typical apology and forgiveness conversation:

Wife: “Honey, I’m really sorry that I ignored you when you were trying to talk to me.”

Husband: “I forgive you. I just wish you would pay better attention to me when I’m trying to talk to you. You get distracted way too easily when we are talking. It makes me feel like I’m not very important to you.”

Forgiveness that is followed by a long re-hashing of the issue isn’t really forgiveness. It’s really just the forgiver taking a little bit of revenge on the forgiven. I would argue that forgiveness isn’t even really in the heart of the husband in our little example.

Luke 23:42-43

42 Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”
43 Jesus answered him, “I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.”

Real forgiveness is instantaneous. It carries with it no lectures. No message of right and wrong. It acknowledges the humility that comes with a broken heart.

Real forgiveness experiences the humility of the one asking for forgiveness.

Real forgiveness just forgives.